As the world begins to fall further into madness due to the coronavirus, my year continues to fall into shit. It's absolutely amazing to believe that it is only March; it felt longer. I am truly at a loss for words; no words can describe the feeling of losing your best friend, child, and partner in crime. I know he is dying, and I've had time to prepare myself for it. But...it doesn't take away that the pain is still real, and just as excruciating as ever.
My family and I have had Moo Moo (my dog) for a little over 12 years. Over the years, Moo Moo became my child, my confidant, my partner in crime, and my best friend. He became my everything. When things were hard and rough, he became the only constant, reassuring figure in my life. I am pretty sure that I wouldn't be remotely sane if he was not in my life. I owe him so much…
In January, we received news that Moo Moo had congestive heart failure. Dogs can sometimes live years with congestive heart failure, and that is the best case scenario. Unfortunately, this isn't the best case scenario. He has medication, but it doesn't seem to be helping.
My mom woke up this morning to find him barely standing in the kitchen. He was leaning against the wall, his eyes closed, panting really hard. She called me as I was getting ready for work, and I rushed over to see him. As a disclosure, I moved out almost a year ago, and Moo Moo stayed with my parents and my other dog Dodger. I wasn't able to take him with me, and I knew that it would be better if he stayed with them.
When I found out the news, I cried so much that I couldn't even breathe. Even as I type this, I have to fight back tears. My heart is breaking at such a slow rate, and it won't stop. The pain is so hard to describe...I feel like I am slowly bleeding out, but I don't have any physical wounds. I feel so much weight on my shoulders, and it continues to get heavier. I am fighting back a flood of tears and it is getting harder to compose myself.
So to my best friend, all I can say is thank you. Thank you for 12 beautiful years of friendship and loyalty. Thank you for everything you have done and given to me. Thank you for allowing me to love you. And thank you for loving me when I couldn't. Thank you…
And that I am sorry. I am sorry for not being able to stop this. I am sorry that I can't find the way to make you live forever. I am sorry that I work so much, and that I can't spend every second with you (though I wish I can). I hope you felt loved and special, cause you are and always will be.
You are my son, my best friend, my partner in crime, and my rock. And no matter what happens, you will always be. I love you more than words can describe, and my heart will always ache for you.
Love you...forever
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